


The sexual harassment of Youth Pastor Craig Tucker.

by Tweekscoffebean



Series: Naughty Imp Tweek series [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Crack, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak in love, Creekweek2020, IMP TWEEK SO THIS MEANS BOTTOM CRAIG 😈, Imp Tweek Tweak being a imp, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Content, Sexual Harassment, South Park: Phone Destroyer AU, cousin Kyle being a Karen, creek - Freeform, diner prompt -story two, vampires with allergies, youth pastor craig/imp tweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27261436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tweekscoffebean/pseuds/Tweekscoffebean
Summary: Summary: youth pastor  Craig tucker just wants to work on sermon, Imp Tweek Tweak has better sexier  ideas. An annoying vampire shows up at the diner and interrupts Imp Tweek’s plan.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Series: Naughty Imp Tweek series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998313
Comments: 14
Kudos: 25
Collections: sp creek server does creek week 2020





	The sexual harassment of Youth Pastor Craig Tucker.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xenolith1245](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenolith1245/gifts), [lonereedy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonereedy/gifts), [thelotusflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelotusflower/gifts).



> Technically this is the third story not second in my monster au but the second story has major spoilers in it so i am posting it later, technically there is one little wee spoiler for the other two unnamed stories in this story....🤔 I wonder what they could be..😈

“The sexual harassment of Youth Pastor Craig Tucker”

Tweek drapes himself over his boyfriend and is being a great – but very adorable – nuisance, kissing Craig’s face as he tries to work. Craig, the Youth Pastor-turned-Monster Pastor, is attempting to write up his latest sermon. He is trying very hard to ignore Tweek, whose impish tricks seem to be solely focused onto the devilishly handsome man. At the moment, Tweek has dropped his human disguise and is currently curling his tail around Craig’s waist; it’s brushing up against him in that oh so delicious way. Tweek’s bat-like red wings are pulsating as he hovers in the air just above his pastor. “Craigory,” he purrs trying to get the man’s sole attention.

“I am busy,” is the man’s curt reply as he shifts his body slightly away from Tweek’s tail.

“But I’m bored,” the imp responds in a childish voice. 

Craig ignores the way that Tweek’s tail is basically stroking him as it brushes against his groin, and continues to type on his laptop. He is particularly interested in his work at the moment. He is attempting to write a sermon on how monsters should open their hearts to salvation. 

The imp frowns as his pastor continues to ignore him, so in a further attempt at seduction, Tweek starts to place kisses all over the slightly annoyed, but mostly amused, brunette’s face, until his lips fall to Craig’s throat and he starts to lick and nip at the delicate skin. Meanwhile, his tail has coyly slipped into the man’s pants, curling around the man’s quickly hardening flesh. 

“Fuck,” Craig’s monotone voice fills the air. In an attempt to stifle his moans and not further encourage his devilish boyfriend’s impish tricks, he bites down hard on his bottom lip.

“Oh, so you want to get kinky?” Tweek questions as he leans forward and licks the blood from his lover’s bottom lip.

Craig sighs in frustration (in more ways than one) and opens his legs a little, allowing the sneaky little imp better access to his body. He may as well give into the imp’s ploy so Tweek will eventually leave him alone.

Laughing maliciously to himself, Tweek lowers himself onto Craig’s lap. He makes sure to press himself up against Craig’s clothed hardness, slowly moving his body back and forth a few times before stopping his cruel teasing in order to push his tongue into the other’s hot mouth. 

Meanwhile, Butters, the local Mummy, has been left to attend the diner all by himself. He frowns slightly as he sends subtle “help me” messages telepathically in Tweek’s direction. Tweek naturally ignores him, far too caught up in making out and low key sexually harassing his boyfriend to do something as mundane as work. 

The little bell over the door to Tweek Bro’s Monster diner opens and a group of monsters walks into the establishment. The local vampire and his werewolf boyfriend slip in through the door before it closes in the face of another vampire. 

Cousin Kyle jumps back screaming, “Alien intruders are using their eye-laser powers to attack me!” 

He starts to hyperventilate, taking big gasps of air in an attempt to calm his pounding heart. He digs into his pocket looking for his inhaler. After a brief moment of panic, he pulls it out of his pocket and brings it to his mouth…but when he pushes down on it, there is no medication. “Oh no! I am out of medication,” he screams at the two zombies walking past him. 

The male zombie starts walking towards him with his arms pushed out in front, making a little “grrrr” sound. He stops and stares at the vampire. “Shit,” he says to his zombie companion, “this one doesn’t have any brains.” 

Both zombies shuffle off, not offering the asthmatic vampire any type of help – or trying to eat his brain – both of which would have been a very reasonable monster reaction. 

“The monsters aren’t very nice in this town,” Cousin Kyle states as he pushes the door open. “Kyle, where did you go?” He calls out to the other vampire.

Upon hearing his cousin enter the diner, Vamp Kyle groans in annoyance and takes Werewolf Stan’s hand, encouraging him to walk faster. 

“Hi, welcome to Tweek Bro’s diner,” the mummy, Butters, says looking up from the table he is wiping down. 

Cousin Kyle wiggles his nose in disgust when he sees that the mummy waiter is using a piece of his mummy wrap to clean the table. “Kyle, did you see that? He isn’t even using a real cloth! What kind of unclean place is this?”

Kyle sighs in exasperation and rolls his eyes. He turns to the werewolf, whose arm is slung over his shoulder “Look there’s Princess Kenny,” he says, and his mood suddenly improves when he sees the other member of their ‘love triangle’. 

The two of them walk over to where the spirit of the enchanting Princess Kenny sits waiting. She flips her long pale locks back and giggles as they sit on either side of her. “My favourite gentlemen callers,” she flirts in a coy voice.

Tweek, who is still a great nuisance and enjoying the process of undoing Craig’s shirt, is applying little nip-kisses to the exposed skin of the very flustered youth pastor’s chest. He looks up from his very inappropriate behaviours towards his favourite human, and glances briefly at the new monsters as they walk into the diner. 

He is only briefly interested in Kyle and Stan’s apparent closeness because he knows from being such good friends with Princess Kenny that she’s involved with the werewolf. Then again, Tweek wouldn’t put it past the royal princess to have more than one lover. Tweek himself has never considered it, unless…he looks at the love bites he’s just left all over Craig, eyes lighting up with possibilities, “Ngh, Craig, do you think I still have some magical powers?”

Craig shudders at the thought of his adorable yet trickster imp also having access to magic, “I don’t think so, why?” He regrets asking the question the moment Tweek opens his mouth and swipes his tongue against Craig’s upper lip. “Because,” he purrs against the other’s mouth, “it would be fun to have my way with a bunch of Craigs, don’t you think?”

“No,” Craig huffs.

Tweek pulls back slightly, eyes wide and smirk malignant, “Is my pastor jealous?”

Craig answers by wrapping his arms around the imp’s waist and pulling him close, “You’re mine,” his usual monotone voice is twisted with possessiveness, “and no one, not even other versions of me, are allowed to touch you.” Then he smashes their lips together. Tweek of course doesn’t have any qualms in further partaking in this not-so-appropriate-for-work public display of affection. 

Butters purposely directs himself towards Stan, Kyle and Kenny, not wanting to deal with Cousin Kyle. He likes Cousin Kyle enough, but the vampire is a bit of a handful in regards to, well, everything. Besides, the poor pastor has been trying to do his own work all day, and Tweek has been nothing short of a pest. Butters may be quite fond of the other blond, but Tweek is also an imp, and imps do kind of scare him. He kind of feels bad for Craig – Tweek never lets him get anything done – and the imp has a habit of scaring away customers who get too chatty with the young priest. They have lost so much business lately. 

“Excuse me,” Cousin Kyle yells in an overly high-pitched nasally voice. “Excuse me! Can I get some orange juice, please?” He sits himself at a table and immediately pulls a packet of Wet Ones baby hand sanitizer wipes from his man purse. He opens up the package and removes one of the wipes, then proceeds to wipe the table clean. Then he scrunches up the wipe and leaves it on the edge of the table to be dealt with later. He removes a second wipe and uses it to wash his hands, because he had just run out of hand sanitizer this morning. Job done, he sits straight-up, frowning as he scans the other monsters in the diner.

Sitting on top of the table just to the left of Cousin Kyle is a blond imp with crazy spiky yellow hair. The imp is balanced precariously on the edge of the table, harassing a man of God, and blocking the man from his laptop. The imp’s tail is doing unspeakable things to the man, rubbing up against the poor human in a sexually suggestive manner. The imp leans forward and kisses the man, who groans and pulls the imp into his lap, and then the two basically start making out. 

Cousin Kyle’s family may be Jewish (even as monsters) but that didn’t mean he would turn a blind eye to such a forbidden thing. “KYLE, do you see that?! That imp is possessing that priest!” Cousin Kyle's voice echoes loudly through the diner. He pushes his glasses up against his nose and a soft, “oh no,” falls from his lips as said imp is looking at him with an annoyed expression. 

Kyle completely ignores his cousin’s latest outburst and continues flirting with his two lovers.

Tweek lifts his gaze away from Craig's kiss-swollen lips. His blood red eyes fall onto the ridiculous looking vampire. Kyle Schultz is wearing a plaid pink shirt complete with a pocket protector filled to the brim with pens, pencils and other nerdy accessories. He also wears large round glasses with the frames taped together. 

“This is going to be fun,” Tweek states as he pulls himself away from Craig (who immediately pulls his laptop back towards him) and climbs to his feet. He drops away the rest of his human guise, so now he is walking slowly towards the pathetic little vampire in all his impish glory, goat legs and all. 

“Oh no,” Cousin Kyle shakes as he watches the imp walk towards him. He is so frightened that if it wasn’t for the fact that his bladder was empty, he would probably piss himself. 

Tweek thinks about all the fun tricks he can play on the vampire as he stops in front of the other’s table, but as much as he loves pulling pranks, this little intruder is taking him away from his Craig time. 

“What type of blood drink do you want, little vampire?” he makes sure to show off his vampiric-demon fangs. 

“Oh. Do you work here?”

Tweek just nods, his eyes glowing.

“Oh, were you on your break?”

Tweek lets out a little growl. This vampire is taking up way too much of his time. “Gah! What do you want so I can go back to my Craig?” he subconsciously licks his lips at the mention of Craig’s name.

Cousin Kyle blinks, his glasses causing his eyes to look owlish, “Oh, I can’t drink blood. I am allergic to it!”

“You’re allergic to blood?” Tweek stares at him in disbelief. Is this guy for real? “And you’re a vampire?”

“Oh, yes, if I drink a single drop of blood I swell up like a balloon.”

Craig, who has been watching the interaction though the corner of his eye, shakes his head at the vampire’s words, “That’s fucking lame.”

Cousin Kyle frowns, not sure what to make out of the priest's words. Surely he didn’t mean them in a negative way? But for a man of God to swear like that… well, if Kyle was Christian, he would be making the sign of the cross. Then again, the poor man was obviously under the imp’s control. 

“So, can I have a glass of orange juice, oh, but no pulp!”

Tweek doesn’t say a single word, just turns on his hooves and walks in the direction of the kitchen. He stops momentarily to harass his boyfriend by stealing his hat and puts it over his own wild blond curls. Craig sighs and then mutters, “Fucking annoying, adorable imp,” trying in vain to snatch his hat back.

Tweek returns from the kitchen holding a large glass of pulp-filled orange juice. He grins cheekily and then sticks his tongue out at Craig as he walks past him. 

“Here,” he puts the glass of orange juice down in front of the vampire and then turns to leave, but the vampire's annoying and so-not-sexy – unlike Craig’s – nasally voice fills his ears. 

“Mr. Imp, sir, there’s pulp in my OJ, and I can’t have pulp with my OJ because it gives me heartburn.”

Imp Tweek just glances at him with an impassive look, “Then enjoy your heartburn,” he flashes him a toothy grin full of fangs and then flutters back to Craig.

“Craigory,” he says in a teasing tone,” I’m bored.”

Craig mutters, “So?” as he tries in vain to concentrate on the sentence he is writing.

Tweek plops down into Craig’s lap, “Entertain me!” he leans forward and licks the man’s left ear, continuing where he left off with the sexual harassment of his boyfriend before they were so rudely interrupted by the wimpy, blood-allergic vampire. 

Butters walked over, “Um, Tweek, shouldn’t you be working?” 

“Yes,” Tweek answers against Craig’s hot skin, “but I’m busy.” 

Craig, who by this point has given up fighting against Tweek’s advances, slides his arms around Tweek’s waist and pulls the monster who’s been tormenting him all day into his lap. “How’s this for fucking entertainment?” he demands. 

His hands caress the imp’s 'human’ ass as he leans his head forward and presses his mouth against the others neck, sucking on Tweek’s tantalizing warm hell-kissed skin.

Tweek groans at the sudden attention he is getting from his man. His wings pop out behind him and start fluttering back and forth as Craig’s teeth sink into his flesh. His tail is back between the man’s legs, and by the sounds Craig’s making, he is quite enjoying the attention he’s getting. 

The lame Vampire Kyle, upon seeing the hot creek yaoi action, stands up outraged. If no one else is going to call the trickster of an imp out, then he will! 

“Smooshing at the workplace is bad enough, but what you two are doing is so unsanitary. I hope you know you’re spreading your germs and other nasty stuff everywhere! I am going to tell my Aunt Sheila on you! You need to stop it right now, and don’t forget to wash your hands. I would offer you my hand sanitizer, but I forgot it at home. And pressing your hot little imp body against a man of God… Shame on you. I don’t believe in sex, because it takes away from my plans of world domination, but you’re kind of turning me on and, oh no, I think my asthma is flaring up, and my inhaler is out of medicine.”

Craig pulls himself away from Tweek – who’s practically undressing him at this point – long enough to flip the lame ass vampire off. He’ll get it on with his imp wherever the fuck he pleases.

“That’s it! I refuse to pay for this type of disrespect and lack of good service. My uncle is a lawyer and I am going to tell Aunt Sheila just what kind of haunt this place is, and then we will sue!” He then storms out of the diner.

Butter sighs as he watches him go, “Oh golly, Tweek. I know it's technically your diner, cause of your parents…Um, I mean, oh gee, please don’t be mad at me, but that is the third customer this week who has stormed away without paying because you can’t keep your hands off of pastor Craig.”

The imp hisses at him at the mention of his parents, and then continues his mission of ridding Craig of all his clothes.

The other monsters avert their eyes – except for a certain Princess – as Butters grabs Craig’s laptop just before it's knocked to the floor. The imp is roughly thrown onto the table before the pastor climbs on top of him. 

Butters just shakes his head and walks to the front of the door. He flips the ‘Open’ sign over, closing the diner for the night. He heads over to where Stan and Kyle are feeding each other Monster Fries and sits beside them. Stan reaches over and swipes a fry, and not for the first time this week, Butters wishes he was a witch instead of a mummy so he could create a magical bubble around Craig and Tweek.

Meanwhile, a certain princess is sitting cross-legged and floating just above the table that the lame vampire had just left, holding a bowl of popcorn and enjoying the show

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to the following people lonereedy - thank you so much for beta reading and correcting my various mistakes. A special thanks to The lotus flower for your input. AND lastly Also for Xeno- who wanted a cousin Kyle fic and thus is to blame for this crack-fest imp tweek harassing his pastor fic... cause I wrote this instead of working on other creek week stuff. So Here you go! Anyways this story is just pure crack. I hoped you enjoyed it, and happy anniversary to our favourite canon ship.


End file.
